Change.

LIFE UPDATES AHEAD

Whew.

That sums up the past two months of my life pretty well. 

If you know me at all, you know my natural tendency is to need to plan everything and be in control. 

And you know that The Good Lord likes to frequently remind me that He is actually in control by flipping my life around more times than Aunt Jemima flipped pancakes. 

This past summer was no different.

Emilee's Plan for Life

-Work 15 hours as a summer intern at RBC

-Also work part-time at Johnny Mac's

-Move in to a ministry house and be on leadership

-Spend plenty of time relaxing, because it's summer

-Take classes in the fall

-Be happy

God's Plan for Emilee's Life

-Quit your second job and work 25 hours a week at RBC on a 3-person staff

-Try to do ministry at your job and at your house

-Move up to 30 hours a week for a year at RBC on a now 2-person staff

-Don't take classes

-Move up to 40 hours a week and a Student Associate position on a 1-person staff

-That 1 person is you; good luck

-Move out of your ministry house

-Move back in with your parents

-Be joyful AND happy 

In the past month our student ministry has gone from being made up of a Student Pastor, a Student Associate, and a Student Intern (me), to being just a Student Associate (now me). 

This has been chaotic and stressful, but The Lord has used this time to bring an old truth into new perspective for me: My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness.

And oh boy is there weakness, but that is okay. Because not only does He bend down to hear me cry, He wipes my tears away, picks me up, and says "I will show you where to go."

Wow. 

I do not always handle change gracefully. In fact, I handle change like Kim Kardashian cries: ugly. 

It normally happens in one of two ways.

The first is an initial outburst, and then bitterness.

I will FREAK OUT.

And then when I'm done doing that, I grow bitter and angry and selfish.

"Why me?"

"Why this?"

"Whywhywhywhy?"

OR

I bottle it up and shut down. I refuse to let anyone see how deeply I hurt or how much it affects me. 

I paste a smile on my face and go about my day. 

Then because I do this, I tend to snap more easily at really stupid things.

"Emilee can you--"

"OH MY WORD CAN I NOT JUST HAVE A MINUTE TO SIT DOWN?!"

Maybe that's a little overdramatic, but you get the idea. 

However, this past month I've discovered a third, and much preferred option for dealing with change. 

Trust God.

DUH.

Right? I've known this is the right choice my whole entire life. Growing up in a Christian environment you learn the lingo like you learn how to walk. But after time, just like knowing how to walk, you don't even know that you know it anymore. 

Saying "I'm trusting God" or "He's in control" is second nature.

But does the action always follow the words?

Obviously not.

In my short 19 years of life I have trusted God with a lot of things.

But they were always things for other people.

I'm trusting God that He will heal *insert family member*.

I'm trusting God that He will provide for  *insert person*.

I'm trusting God that He will *fill in the blank*

All of these things affected me, but they weren't mine.

And this was.

This was my job.

This was my church family.

This was my future. 

And I had to trust. 

I work with the best students and parents in the world. Maybe I'm a bit biased. 

In the past two weeks I have seen them step up in huge ways.

They refuse to give up or give in.

They are taking ownership of their faith and of the ministry. 

I still occasionally check over my shoulder and expect Ashton Kutcher to be standing there with a cameraman telling me I'm on Punk'd, because I can't really believe that I actually get to do what I love as my job. 

I know that was a really long, scattered post, but it's my heart. 

And I promise I'll blog more often. It might now be long or insightful, but I'll be here. 

If you feel inclined to do so, please pray for rbcstudents. For the students, for the ministry, and for the future. We have some long days ahead, but we're not giving up.